Are you expecting and have older children who are eager to be in the room for the birth? Or do you know someone with children who wants them present for their next siblings' birth? This blog post is intended to help inform anyone who wants or may know someone who wants to incorporate older siblings into the birth space.
The decision to have siblings present in the birth space mostly comes from an agreement between the parents; however, there are many key factors that should be considered during the decision making process. Some of the crucial things to consider are: siblings age, interest in birth, and curiosity. It's important to remember that not all siblings want to be involved, and some may want to be more involved than others.
Pros of having siblings present:
creates an environment to normalize birth for children
there is an initial bonding moment between siblings
sense of family intimacy and connection because you are welcoming a baby into the family altogether instead of just with the parents.
removes fear and trauma so down the road siblings will be less worried about their own childbirth expereinces
Cons of having siblings present:
sibling biggest fear is blood and messes
siblings may not be emotionally ready for the birth
birth is unpredictable: long births, happens during the night, emergencies/ complications arise, etc.
Preparation is Key!
In order for siblings to have the best experience possible, there must be a leadup of preparation that takes place before the birth. When talking to siblings about birth preparation, remember to use the 5 senses. Although each: the parents, care providers, doulas and siblings will all have a different view of the birth, it is important when elaborating on the 5 senses that you are in the shoes of the children.
The 5 senses are:
Sight: what does birth look like, what will the baby look like, what is vernix, what does a placenta look like, is there going to be blood?
Sound: what sound does a baby make, what sound will a mother make?
Smell: what does amniotic fluid smell like, foods the mother won't want to eat because of the smell?
Touch/feel: practice comforting touch, how to hold a baby, what does the umbilical cord feel like?
Taste: what will the mother like to eat or drink?
By discovering the viewpoint for each child and what each of the 5 senses offer, we are then able to gather different activities or tools to prepare siblings.
The following is a list of activities to help prepare siblings for a home birth. Most of them follow the 5 senses of birth.
Activity List
Read books to siblings and watch birth videos as a family.
Look at birth photos.
Involve siblings with prenatal appointments with Midwives.
Practice making noises that siblings might hear during a birth. Roar like lions to imitate a contraction or cry like a baby to imitate a baby crying.
Placenta painting: on a piece of paper paint a red circle, then add purple and blue lines to represent veins/ arteries. Then add a thicker white line to represent the umbilical cord.
Cutting the cord: gather a thick rope that is 1 1/2- 2 feet long and pretend it is the umbilical cord that a sibling may get the opportunity to cut.
What is vernix?: using a plastic baby doll rub white lotion on the doll's head to represent what vernix might look like.
Use a doll to practice how to hold a baby.
Depending on the siblings' age consider practicing how to change a diaper or how to swaddle a baby.
Chooses each sibling's role! Each sibling should have a job during the birth so choosing these ahead of time and talking about them gets children excited for their responsibility. Roles can include: cutting the cord, comforting touch, gathering supplies, helping make food, etc.
Sibling Bags
Now that we have the activities covered we want to create a sibling bag. Like a hospital bag, this bag will have the essentials for siblings. Each sibling should have their own bag as items will vary depending on the siblings' age and interest. These bags will be kept in a specific spot leading up to the birth and will be used throughout the home birth if siblings need some comfort or a quiet activity to pass the time.
The basics to pack in a sibling bag are:
Digital Camera: allows the siblings to take photos of their view of the birth.
Snacks: never want to have hungry kiddos!
Playdough: easy quiet activity which is good for all ages.
Colouring books and crayons/markers: another quiet activity that is good for distraction.
Reading books
Child's favourite toy/blanket/stuff: comfort items
Change of clothes: incase they touch anything or an accident happens.
Hiring Help
If siblings are planning to be present for the birth, a designated adult needs to be put in charge of the children for a few reasons.
If an emergency arises such as a transfer to the hospital there is an adult already in the home to watch the children.
Parents will be focused on the labour and birth process, so a designated adult relieves the role of 'parent' during that time.
A designated adult provides emotional and physical support for the children.
Of course, you could have a family member or friend be this designated adult; however, there is an added benefit of hiring a sibling doula.
A sibling doula is a trained professional who also has added experience with children. Most sibling doulas are also nannies, teachers, ECEs, coaches etc. so they have the experience with children already.
The process of hiring a sibling doula is relatively the same as hiring a birth doula. You start with your free meet and greet, then head into your prenatal sessions which are called 'learning and preparing', and finally have the time spent together during the birth.
Meet and Greet
Just like a birth doula, a sibling doula will have a free meet and greet with the family so the parents and children can get to know the potential doula, answer any questions about their services and see if the children get along with the doula.
Learning and Preparing Sessions
Once a sibling doula has been hired they will spend around 1 ½- 2 hours with your family, at the family's house, the park or wherever is the most convenient for the parents. During this time the parents will discuss their birth wishes and together will prepare the children for the birth. This is a great time for the children to ask questions, go over the 5 senses, maybe watch some birth videos or look at birth photos. A doula can also give the parents resources on sibling classes if interested.
During The Birth
When the gestational parent is in labour the sibling doula will arrive at the clients' house. If the children plan to be present for the birth, the doula will remind them what their role is and supervise the children to make sure they are well cared for. The most important part of a sibling doula is to make sure the children's needs are met and are emotionally supported.
My goal as a birth and sibling doula is to create an environment where siblings feel welcomed to attend a birth, not only to bond the family together as this next chapter of their life unfolds but to also stop the stigma that birth is not a normal process. By allowing siblings into the birth space we are normalizing birth for them and creating a space that they will remember for years to come.
-Brielle Pedersen-Skene
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